Sadly, many couples become embroiled in lengthy and costly divorce proceedings which is often referred to as a “messy-divorce” in the media. That does not have to be the case. Here are our top tips for maintaining as amicable as split as possible and keeping costs down.
- Timing is Crucial
This is a life changing event, and some people may choose to seek legal advice, whilst others may not be ready. There is not a strict timeline, but it’s important that it is right for you. Some people may wish to seek independent legal advice and take the time to consider everything. If you rush, when you are not either emotionally or physically ready, it is likely that the process will be much harder and take a greater toll.
- Seek support
The right support is important and speaking to someone either professionally or otherwise can be a real benefit. They will help you navigate the emotional side of matters and prepare you for the future. Having independent support who is not perhaps as emotionally involved as you will often offer a different outlook.
- Don’t compare yourself to others
It’s sometimes easier said than done, but when you think “your friend kept the house and obtained higher percentage split of assets” it is likely that your expectation will be the same. All family’s financial circumstances are different and each case is different and will have several possible outcomes. The Court has a list of factors it must consider when separating assets to ensure overall fairness and the needs of the parties are paramount. You must negotiate the best outcome for you and seek legal advice and consider your own circumstances and not those of others.
- Avoid posting on social media
Posting matters on social media could not only be held as contempt of court but will in most cases raise animosity between the parties. Be careful what you post and share and ask yourself before posting whether you would be happy for a Judge to see your post. One party may move on quicker with their life than the other but not posting about new relationships or derogatory posts about the other is likely to avoid a “messy-divorce”.
- Don’t change the locks
Unless you’re at risk of immediate harm where legal advice should be sought it is never advisable to change the locks to the family home. If you both own the property, you each have a legal right to access it. However, where there is a logical place for one party to reside, moving could help to avoid mounting tensions.
- Choose your solicitor
All solicitors adhere to the same code and practice, however your choice in a family lawyer can have an impact on your divorce. Your experience may vary depending on their approach, whether it be litigious or more constructive. It’s important to choose the style that suits your circumstances. In our view, a constructive approach designed to reach a fair settlement is likely to be the best approach.
- Consider your options
Most people presume that Court is the only option, but this should be the last resort. Your solicitor should give you all possible avenues at an initial meeting, and work with you to find a solution that suits your circumstances. This could include mediation or collaborative law. Court is often the longest and most expensive resolution which should only be used as a last resort when all other options have been explored.
- Keep adult issues away from the children
It can be difficult to keep conversations away from the children no matter their age. However old they may be, toddlers, infants, juniors or teenagers they do not want to be caught amongst arguing parents or step-parents. They do not want to be used as tools or weapons to place pressure on the other. Such approach only increases tensions, which in turn may impact the costs. Keep child arrangements separate, and if possible, try and talk to them about the separation in a child focused manner, answering any questions they may have.
- Don’t waste time blaming
While you are likely to feel strongly about who is at fault for the breakdown of the marriage, the reasons aren’t important in the eyes of the law and have no impact on financial matters. Proceedings are private and the only people to see the petition is you, your solicitor and the court. It’s important to take a constructive approach – agreeing wording with your spouse before the petition is submitted – this can help start you off on the right path.